Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
1896 - When Should a Man Feel Encouraged?

The first steps toward courting a wife are taken with a certain diffidence.

A man wants to show his hand plainly from the first, that she may have no "possible, probable shadow of a doubt" about his intentions. He shows her, as well as he knows how - which is not always by any means very well, poor creature! - and he supposes she understands.

In nine cases out of ten she probable does; in the other, she doesn't, though he never would believe that, but it doesn't matter.

Now, courtship, as someone once observed is like a game of whist. You expect your lead to be returned, and when it is, you deduct certain inferences from it. When a man leads "attentions" and a girl plays "acceptance," he naturally counts on having the game in his hands.

When he finds she has been leading him astray, he naturally grows irritated, and is disposed to fling down the cards. There ought to be a school for instructing women and men in the ordinary rules of courtship, then we should have fewer miserable marriages, fewer broken hearts, fewer mutual causes for reproach.

For, as matters now stand, a girl often, out of pure innocence and ignorance, accepts a man's intentions, and leads him to suppose they are welcome, when she really hasn't the faintest notion what he is driving at.

On the other hand, he imagines himself to be receiving encouragement, when the girl who could gather from his manner that he had the faintest, liking for her would be the most conceited creature on the face of the earth. When, then, has a man a real right to consider himself encouraged?

When he offers her little gifts and attentions, and she receives them with apparent pleasure. When his flowers are accepted and worn; and if he happens to mention that he likes a special song, she takes particular care always to sing it to him.

When he gets all the dances he asks for, and she is not reluctant to sit one out with him, though he knows she is devoted to dancing - then he may justly feel himself encouraged to go on.

When she shows a preference for his society beyond that of other men; when she welcomes him with evident pleasure, and sees him go with unconcealed regret; when she listens to his lowered whispers and pretty speeches, and does not turn away, but looks down and blushes, even in this unblushing age.

When he presses the hand she gives him, and it is not withdrawn; when she lets him talk about his own affairs to her by the hour, and does not look bored - all these should encourage a man to the highest hopes, if he is not a perfect owl.

"How did you know Miss Rosebud would have you?" a man once asked a friend.

"Oh! I felt pretty sure!" was the confident answer. "I knew she liked me!"

"Knew she liked you? What made you think that?"

"Oh! She knew I was ever so much her senior, and I asked her how old she thought I was. She said 'I don't know, and I don't care, but I should think a hundred!' I knew no girl would be as rude as that unless she wanted to prevent a man from finding out how much she liked him, so I proposed on the spot, and she accepted me, as I knew she would."

This man's ideas of encouragement were a little peculiar, and it is probably that few people could be found to model their notions on his. They are rather those of the monarch who had the heads of his subjects chopped off, from time to time, "to encourage the others," as he said, by way of explanation.

Most people prefer to take their encouragement in a milder form.

One little piece of advice may prove valuable: take care not to propose too soon. A girl likes to think that she has been won with difficulty, and the precipitate lover sometimes meets with rebuff from the girl who would have accepted him had he taken more time over his wooing.

Philadelphia Inquirer
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
February 23, 1896

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